sexy soulful success
Hosted by Emily Cassel
Grab your paper and pens! I’m about to teach you a little somethin’ today 🙂
…Ready? Let’s learn! 😉
As human beings, we have 6 core needs. We all have different ways of meeting these needs, and that’s what makes us unique. But when we set aside the approach, the motivation is the same: we all want our needs to be filled, and we will do whatever it takes to fill them. This is because we share a nervous system that functions in the same way as every other human being.
We each value these needs differently, too. The 4 human needs are: certainty, variety, significance, love + connection. The 2 spiritual needs are growth and contribution.
Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
Significance: feeling unique, important, special, or needed
Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability, or understanding
Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to, and supporting others
Okay, so enough of the technical stuff! I know you’re not really here for that 😉 You want to know the “how” and the magic behind why I’m even sharing this in the first place.
The real magic happens when all of these needs are fulfilled. But today, I want to focus on uncertainty. Because I believe that this is the need that most women struggle with the most, and where there is so much room for growth for all of us to drastically improve our lives via the fulfillment of this need.
The need for certainty or control is the number one need I see expressed in my clients and other women around me. Each of these women is brilliant in her own right, and has a huge gift to share with the world. But her focus on certainty and control blocks her from truly expressing and sharing this gift.
“What if I’m not perfect?”
“Who am I to share that? I’m not an expert.”
“Other people might judge me and that would be painful.”
“Other people will be better than me, so I could look silly or stupid! I just won’t put myself out there.”
“I could be awesome, but that’s not a risk I’m willing to take. The pain of failure is too great.”
“I could be awesome, but what would other people think of me? They might not accept me anymore…It’s more favorable if I dim my bright light for now, so as not to make them uncomfortable when theirs isn’t shining as brightly as mine.”
The underlying issue is that when we over-value a need for certainty and under-value a need for uncertainty, we keep ourselves safe in the moment, but we are ultimately unfulfilled. The decisions we make aren’t based in pleasure or play or fun — in FEELING — instead, they’re based in obligation, logic, and thinking — from the ego, from our minds.
Something I’ve noticed after spending some time at home with my family recently is that, growing up, the primary value was based on logic, brain power, thinking, and doing whatever I could to create a favorable outcome. I can’t recall nearly as many instances of talking about feelings or using feelings as an acceptable method of decision making. Can you relate?
As a society, we are brought up to place so much value on our minds and our human experience that we forget we are all souls having a human experience. And that logical approach only gets us so far… but we plateau at some point, and that approach no longer serves us.
Maybe you’re feeling this way right now. Like you’ve hit a plateau and things just aren’t working for you anymore. Your old ways of “doing” are no longer in service to your greatest power or fulfillment. If this is you, I’d love to hop on a 30-minute call with you and talk about how I can help you navigate this “stuckness” with more ease.
During the spring of my senior year of high school, I distinctly remember the moment I realized I had saved up enough money to buy a plane ticket to Australia to visit my boyfriend at the time at meet his family.
I was 18, and was a few months away from my high school graduation and looking forward to the start of college at the end of the summer.
I’d been working as a barista at a local coffee shop, and as an assistant at a small vision center in my hometown that had filing cabinets filled with paper records for clients that I was responsible for alphabetizing a few days of the week after school. I was so excited to see that my hard work had paid off, and that I would finally be able to purchase a ticket to meet his family, visit some of my friends in Australia (I had visited a few years prior for a short-term exchange program), and see what life could be like post-high school.
I didn’t know what would happen once I was there; love is one of the most uncertain and vulnerable things that exists in the world. But I did know what would be happening when I returned – I’d be going to college for the next 4-5 years and working really hard. My need for certainty had been filled, and I craved some variety and uncertainty! So I clicked that purchase button, and printed out my ticket, excited to share my recent leap with my family.
My grandfather in particular wasn’t too happy about this decision. He was a brilliant teacher and a zen buddhist, but not necessarily one to “feel into things” or “trust your intuition” but preferred, instead, a more logical approach to problem-solving. He asked me, “Don’t you think that money would be better spent if you saved it for your first year of college?” I, of course, a teen in love, spat back, “NO! This is what I feel is right.”
That decision turned out to be one of the best I could’ve made. The value of getting to meet his family, travel around Australia with them, really bond, deepen in love, make new friends, have new experiences, explore, learn new things about myself, and create memories to last a lifetime, was so huge I couldn’t have placed a price tag on it if I tried.
For me, these leaps are usually financial investments in myself, as I move toward living a more abundant and full life. But these are my lessons, and it doesn’t mean that they are yours. I’m sure that you can think of a time in your life when this was the case for you, too, maybe under different circumstances.
The problems arise when we try to block out the unknown, which is really just a word for all the possibilities, opportunities, and synchronicities that are able to emerge, if you allow them. In other words, we have to make space for the magic!
Every leap you will ever take will inherently involve some unknown elements. That’s why I so deeply practice in my own life doing what FEELS good now. I trust that those little intuitive hits will lead me to the lessons, the growth, the experiences that I’m meant to be guided toward.
What would happen if you surrendered to the guidance you’re being offered every single day from your feelings, and trusted that everything would work out even more beautifully than you have ever imagined in your human mind?
What if you changed your “What could go wrong” thought pattern to an excited “What could go right?!” as you leaped out of bed in the morning with more vitality and passion than you have ever imagined?
This is the exact process I’ve supported so many clients through, and the result they’ve achieved after our work together. It is such a pleasure and privilege to share this knowledge with so many women! Will you be next?
I can’t wait to speak with you soon and interact with you in the comments below! I’d love if you would share your thoughts with me below about this topic so we can continue the conversation!
Love + Light,
PS — My 8-week program, Freedom is Sexy, is launching VERY soon! Be sure to schedule a call with me ASAP to learn more and to apply for a huge transformation in your life in only 2 months’ time, fully supported by me AND an inspired tribe of like-minded women.
Curious to know what kinds of results you can expect from the program? Thought so 🙂
Here’s what one of my clients, Jen, had to say about her experience with my signature program, Freedom Is Sexy:
“I was initially attracted to the Freedom Is Sexy program because I had read your blog and watched some of your videos, and thought I would really benefit from working with you. However, I was really stuck on my decision to actually join the program. I kept telling myself that I didn’t “need” to work with a coach, and that I could get to where I wanted to be on my own…until I had my initial consultation with you. Within minutes of speaking to you on the phone I knew that this was exactly what I needed to get me started on my journey.
When I first started the program I was really struggling with making a career change. I wasn’t very happy with my current position, but was also terrified of leaving. I had recently decided that I wanted to move to New York (something that I have always wanted to do), but barely knew where to start to make that happen.
Through working with you I have learned how much you can accomplish when you focus on exactly what you want, what is standing in the way of what you want, and how you can tackle those obstacles. I have learned to really acknowledge my fears and find a way to work through them instead of give into them.
The most valuable part of this experience has been being able to share all of my struggles, and receive advice on how to deal with them from women who have been in similar positions. I also greatly benefited from having someone there to hold me accountable for the things I said I would accomplish over the course of a week, and to help me figure out why certain things didn’t happen and how to make improvements.
Through the process of working with you I have become someone who takes more time to visualize what I’m trying to accomplish before diving in. This has allowed me to really focus on what I want out of my life, and how to best achieve it.
I would definitely recommend this program to other women, particularly those that have a goal they are working towards or particular challenges they are trying to work through. Speaking to others about those issues, and being held accountable to make positive changes is extremely beneficial. ” – Jen H.
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