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Emily Cassel (she/her) is a Soulful Business + Leadership Coach for women entrepreneurs, podcast host, writer, international retreat leader, and champion of women, based in Charleston, SC. Emily believes that when women embrace and express their deepest soul calling and become leaders of their life and business, we create a more liberated and limitless future for ourselves, each other, and our world.

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4 Steps to Allow Allure In Your Life

March 15, 2014

allow (v.) to give the necessary time or opportunity for

allure (n.) the quality of being powerfully and mysteriously attractive or fascinating; (v.) to powerfully attract or charm

Allowing allure in your life is to give yourself the opportunity to seize the fascinating qualities that life possesses daily. Things we can sometimes take for granted (and we’re ALL guilty of doing so!), such as the beautiful swirls that form when milk is poured into iced coffee, the smell of rain on the pavement, or the text you wake up to from someone special. We also have a responsibility to ourselves and to the world to create MORE of these beautiful qualities. I’m a firm believer in smiling and giving people compliments, and for me, that is creating more beautiful moments. It’s all subjective, but you just gotta do you 😉

So if allowing allure is the big picture, how do you get there?


1. Know that you control your thoughts. The process of appreciating the little things begins internally, of course. I am so fortunate to have people in my life that have taught me this. My mom constantly enforced, whether verbally or by example, that you have full reign over your thoughts and that this is the most powerful tool in our human arsenal for living a full and joyful life. One of her best tips to break a negative thought pattern is simply to replace a negative thought with a positive one. Anytime I would say something negative out loud, she would replace it with a positive affirmation for me (more on this to come!). If we choose to view our lives as beautiful, our lives will be beautiful. Even in the case of loss, we can view the loss in a positive light and find the ways it was beneficial for us. Maybe you lost something that was so important to you, such as a special bracelet that held sentimental value. In this case, you can choose to look at the loss and say, “Why am I this upset over a piece of metal? It was beautiful, but in reality, it was just a THING. This situation has taught me that what really matters to me is the person who gave me that THING, and I am going to let that person know how much I appreciate them more often.” 

2. Learn from everything that life presents to you. When I visited Australia for the first time, my host mom and I were discussing how certain things in your life tend to recur until you learn the lesson, and can move past that lesson and onto the next. The truth is, even though we can manifest the things that we want out of our lives very effectively, we don’t always know what the path will be to get to our manifestations. Sometimes we have to take the good with the bad and that’s just life! It’s going to happen, and we know that, so instead of being shocked when it happens and allowing the discourse to throw us off, we can instead view each roadblock as a lesson, and in doing so, create appreciation for the situation instead of viewing it as an opposing force. There is an ebb and a flow to all life, and the more we can accept that, the better we can maintain our balance and stay focused on the bright side. 

3. Get the Vision. Living your life in a way that allows allure begins and ends with acceptance of yourself, your circumstances, and your thoughts. You have to own all of it! If it’s up to you, you can change it and ultimately create a better existence for yourself. The next step is determining what that “better existence” looks like from your vantage point: is it financial stability? Is it finding a life partner? Is it having more ease in your life? You must get real with yourself and be specific! Since my junior year of high school (or maybe earlier), I have always had a “Dream Board” hanging in my room, with photos and phrases representing my goals and vision for what I want my life to look like surrounding a photo of myself. These representations can be long-term or short-term, abstract or concrete. I learned at a conference I went to in high school that people who constantly see their goals have an 18% greater chance of achieving them without doing anything else. Just seeing and reminding yourself of the things you want helps you get there so quickly and easily. You’ll be amazed when you look back at your dream board after a year and notice all the things you’ve accomplished without even realizing it! 

4. Put Yourself First. In other words, take care of yourself! Do the things that bring joy to YOU, and make them a priority. Schedule time for those activities so that they actually happen. What good are you to others when you don’t have yourself together? Make yourself and your happiness your first priority. I’m not saying this in a selfish way by any means! This is not to say that you shouldn’t help others, of course! But I think this is where a lot of people get lost – they focus so much of their energy on doing things for others that they forget to take care of themselves, and then get burnt out.

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