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Emily Cassel (she/her) is a Soulful Business + Leadership Coach for women entrepreneurs, podcast host, writer, international retreat leader, and champion of women, based in Charleston, SC. Emily believes that when women embrace and express their deepest soul calling and become leaders of their life and business, we create a more liberated and limitless future for ourselves, each other, and our world.

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The 5 Secrets of Irresistibility

May 6, 2014

Ever wonder how some people have that elusive THING about them that just makes them seem irresistible? It’s almost as though they hold the secret key to happiness, like they’re holding access to total satisfaction. They seem resilient and strong, yet vulnerable and flexible. 

I believe we all have this potential, but most of us are unfortunately never taught about the path to achieving the status of irresistibility. If we were, I can only imagine how incredible our world would be – personally AND interpersonally! Everyone would be fully in alignment and balanced, knowing that we are powerful creators of our lives. We would feel empowered, have the tools to embark on our own unique journey, and fully embody our true authentic selves. I believe that being in alignment with yourself and your purpose is what creates the space for irresistibility to emerge. It’s something we can all do, but there’s normally not much emphasis placed on this. Think about what the results would look like if we focused more on this in our education systems instead of putting the bulk of emphasis on math and science. Now THAT’S powerful! 

My 5 Secrets of Irresistibility are what I use everyday to keep myself in alignment. I find that when I do this, things in my life just flow effortlessly and I get a great response from others. I build strong connections, and feel perfectly happy, regardless of what’s happening around me. I feel like a lighthouse, a beacon of light standing tall and strong in the world, while waves crash around me and ships pass by. I have the power to detach from all of the external and just feel into the internal, feeling totally confident and assured that I can handle anything that comes my way. I wish this for everyone in the world, so I hope these secrets help to empower you and make you feel totally irresistible! 

1. D-d-d-do yo’ thang, honey!

This is 100% true in relationships, whether personal or in your business. You have to put your true authentic self out there. Be true to you – not a knockoff of someone else! If the only reason you’re doing something is because everyone else is doing it or because you don’t know what else to do, STOP. If you are acting in this way, you’re putting out some false advertising of what lies beneath. Look inside yourself and focus inward. Create the space for yourself to do some big picture thinking and visioning for your life. Be yourself and be true to you. You will never  – I repeat – NEVER find the right people to surround yourself with if you’re being a fake version of yourself. Other people can sense that facade as well, and it’s not sexy, confident, aligned, or irresistible.

2. Put Yourself First

Think of yourself as a tool. You – your soul – is not able to do anything if it’s not well taken care of. You are your method of communication with the world around you. If you can’t help yourself, how do you expect to effectively help anyone else or to contribute something meaningful to the world? To be irresistible, you HAVE to put yourself as number one. Taking care of yourself and making yourself happy allows you to take care of others and shine that bright light inside you all over the world. 

3. Build It and They Will Come

Take the time to really sit down and envision your future – what do you want for yourself and for the world? Envision, then build, the life that you truly desire. The people who are meant to be a part of that, and who are aligned with that, will come. They will be attracted to you because you are radiating your happiness and know what you want. These people will be positive forces in your life. If you find that you’re having trouble and attracting the wrong people, the wrong person is you! (sorry, tough love moment) But honestly…the other person is usually yourself. Put your energy into creating the life you love and desire. Do the things that make you happy, and your purpose will emerge. Purpose is something that’s sort of abstract in our lexicon, but it’s not something you sit around and think about and then it suddenly comes to you! You have to put your ass where your heart is – literally – and show up in your life. What puts a huge smile on your face? GO DO THAT. Then do it some more! Then find more things that elicit the same happy incredible result. There are people who want the same or similar things out there, and they will find you and love every minute of sharing it with you. 

4. Know That You’re No one’s Bitch

You’re not your mind’s bitch, nor are you your emotions’ bitch. YOU get to control what you think and feel because it’s a DECISION. You make all the decisions in your life. It’s not about what is happening around you, it’s about how you respond. You can only control one thing in this world, and that is yourself, which includes how you choose to respond to situations that come up in your life. You can either do something differently or change your mind. It’s really that simple. You can (and should) detach from your thoughts and emotions, knowing that your self – your soul – is NOT your emotions, your thoughts, or even your consciousness. You have thoughts, but you are not your thoughts. You have toes, but you are not your toes. And so on 🙂 You create your own happiness or on the contrary, your own negativity. Choose what you want to feel, and then do whatever you need to create that for yourself. 

5. Find Balance

Irresistibility shines from the inside out. It’s an intuitive thing for humans – we could explain it as something we can’t quite put our finger on. I’m telling you, it’s balance! I’m talking about the powerful triad here of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Choose moderation. Again, you’re the one who holds the reigns to your life, so act accordingly. You know what the consequences of your actions will be (assuming your prefrontal cortex is fully developed). You don’t have to choose between your silly side and your serious side and your vulnerable side. Combine them all and shine that beautiful (balanced) light out into the world. A flame will die if there’s too much air, yet needs air to initially ignite. Remember that the world is a delicate balance. Balance yourself by letting things roll off and neglecting to take things personally. Know that everyone is human and we all can experience moments where we’re out of balance, but continue to strive to achieve balance for yourself and for your life. When you do, things will just flow. It seems appropriate to speak a bit to energy here, as when your body’s subtle energies are imbalanced, lots of issues emerge. Research the chakra system (I’ll write about this later!) if you’re bewildered by this concept 🙂 

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